Hilarious Lines From Online Dating Profiles
If you have put any effort at all into online dating, I'm sure that you've read plenty about how to write online profiles, and how NOT to write them.
Knowing the basics about that is a good thing, of course, and I've written my fair share on the subject.
The truth is that there is a wealth of information our there and help is readily available when it comes to creating terrific, effective online profiles.
Yet, you can somehow always count on finding plenty of particularly entertaining material like what follows when browsing profile narratives.
All of these are lifted from actual profiles.
Enjoy!
"I'm a walking, talking dichotomy. I hope you're the same."
After all, opposites attract, right?
"I need a man who can full feel my fantasies."
I distinctly remember an email I wrote to this one entitled, "Feeling Full".
I don't remember a response.
Haha.
"The three things I want most in a man are honesty, sincerity and truthfulness."
Great.
The three things I want most in a woman are repetition, redundancy and duplication.
"I am recently divorced, so I am now at a stage in my life where I am not looking for one night stands."
Well, thank goodness both the marriage and that sort of behavior have come to an end.
I wonder if that's a coincidence?
"I don't drink beer, but I'll play darts at the bar with a screwdriver"
Be sure to use a Philips.
Those pointy ones seem to stick to the dartboard better.
"I'll bend over backwards to help anyone who needs it, but I refuse to be a pushover."
OK, so she doesn't need any help bending over backwards, get it?
"Attractive, fun, professional woman looking to date the same."
Hmm.
Can't help you there, girlie.
I'm a guy.
"I AM A HAPPY AND HONEST PERSON I HATE LAYS AND TO BE UNLOYAL"
Well, that about covers everything.
"I have my B.S. and J.D. I mostly use the B.S. part to do my J.D.
job."
Anyone who is divorced can appreciate that one.
Thanks for being honest.
"A man who does not mind the simple and loving jesters I may send his way."
Nah, I'm good.
I'm pretty well stocked up on freaks with funky suits and bells on their hats.
"I hate complainers."
Why?
We LOVE you.
"I am an independent woman and don't need a man to support me, although the ability to do so would be nice."
At least the truth came out early.
LOL
"I'm looking for someone with as many things in common as me."
And I thought Yogi Berra was married.
The more times I read this, the more I laughed.
"If you are looking for a true blue type I may be your match."
This woman's first pic was of her posing with a Blue Man Group guy in Vegas-so I guess she wasn't kidding.
"I'm a hot box, so this cuddle thing all night is out of the question unless it's the dead middle of winter."
I'm willing to bet that this woman had NO IDEA why she was getting the kind of responses she must have received.
"DON'T REPLY BACK IF YOU HAVE PROBLEM WITH DRUGS, ALCOHOL OR IF YOU ARE A FREAK."
OK, I ask you, have you ever met a self-proclaimed freak?
"I used to be a great liar...
I can smell one a mile away."
Well it's good to know that though you used to be a great liar, the skill set it still finely tuned...just in case.
"Im etremly drawn to someone w/ a high level of intelegents."
It's just painful to read this.
(See also: "I'm looking for an intelligant man")
"By the way guys....there are NOT two 'll's in 'traveling'!"
OK, rule number one:
If you are going to obnoxiously correct people who you haven't even met yet, at least have your facts together.
See www.dictionary.com for elaboration.
"I love the roll of being a mom."
How about a little roll playing?
"LOVE WHITE MEN AND LOVE TO PLAY GAMES"
Surely, she means "Scrabble" or "Monopoly".
Otherwise, this is a first.
"I hate judgemental people!"
There have to be self-esteem issues here.
"Just throwing out casts..."
And what did your orthopedic surgeon have to say about that?
"This is where I'm suppose to make myself sound interesting so bare with me."
So far, so good.
"I spend a lot of time sending polite emails, turning people down. Most of them appreciate that I did that."
On second thought, never mind.
LOL
"Are you looking for a fun loving, beautiful woman with her act together? Well, good luck!"
What made this funny was that it was the very last two lines of her profile.
"Strong indepented woman not afraid to admit she needs some one to LOVE her."
That pent-up independence is demented stuff, isn't it?
"About him? He will hear my call a mile away. He will whistle my favorite song. He can ride a pony backwards. He can flip pancakes in the air. He'll be marvelously kind.
His favorite shape will be a star. And he'll have one green eye and one blue."
You know, it seems that all the guys with one green eye and one blue eye whose favorite shape is a star and who can ride ponies backwards are always either married or gay, doesn't it?
Ironically, I do actually know a guy with one green eye and one blue eye.
But last I checked, he didn't have riding ponies backwards down yet.
Besides, he's married (of course).
.
The Society of Recovering Sorority Girls Remind America to Celebrate ?The Nanny Reunion: A Nosh to Remember?
Washington, DC ? The Society of Recovering Sorority Girls, through its founders Kristina "Morgan" Rose and Deandra "Brooksie" Brooks, remind America to celebrate "The Nanny Reunion: A Nosh to Remember."
The special reunion episode will air on December 6 at 8 PM EST on Lifetime Television. "Is everyone practicing their Fran Dresher imitation yet?" asked Morgan.
"Brooksie and I are ready to host a special signature party for the Nanny reunion."On December 6, the cast of
"The Nanny" will gather at the Malibu beach house of actress Fran Dresher for a dinner party.
America is invited to join them on Lifetime Television as they reflect and reminisce about their experiences on the show.
In addition, the special one-hour reunion will feature clips, rehearsal footage and never-before-seen bloopers.
"I've already bought three new outfits to host this party," added Brooksie.
"Two them even have coordinating hats."Morgan and Brooksie...
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5 Myths About Protecting Yourself from Skin Cancer
Sara spends much of her summer near the beach. She lives in amild climate and is very athletic. She loves to swim, bike andplay games outdoors. Sara knows the dangers of the sun and so sheopts for tanning salons to get her 'golden glow' while being sureto apply sunscreen every day before heading out. Joseph lives in a cooler, northern climate.
The summers can bevery humid, but most of the year is mild or even below freezingduring the harshest winter months. The beach has never been muchof a draw for him and he spends most of his time doing indooractivities or at his job. Joseph doesn't worry about sunscreenand only had one sunburn that he can remember and that was whenhe was a child. -------------------- Which of these examples do you most associate yourself with? Didyou know that Sara and Joseph are both at risk of developing skincancer? We have all heard the warnings about the dangers of sunexposure. We know all about the importance of wearing sunscreenand hats.
But are...
5 Myths About Protecting Yourself from Skin Cancer
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Call Mexico at Rates as Amazing as the Murals
Call Mexico at Rates as Amazing as the Murals It's a country that speaks through its numerous murals and is vibrantly creative and colorful in their representation of the ancient Mayan and Teotihuac?n history. It's little wonder that tourism is a booming industry in Mexico. Situated at the northeast border of the US, Mexico's indigenous population comprising of the: Aztecs, Yucatan, Mayans and Chiapas, have not been too moved by the rapid pace of modernization in the US. Today contemporary literature hotshots like Carlos Fuentes, Juan Rulfo and Octavio Paz continue to rekindle the Mexican tradition.Tequila, tortillas, beans and chili peppers famous the world-over can tantalize your taste buds with indiscreet abandon. Catch on to the flavor of this country by connecting with Mexico through Mr.
Long Distance. You can make calls to friends and family in Mexico through Mr. Long Distance at extremely cheap rates compared to other telecom service providers.Simple Steps to Call Mexico:...
Call Mexico at Rates as Amazing as the Murals
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Web Hosting Provider Globat.com Sponsors the Ultimate Family Road Trip to Eat 300 White Castle? Hamburgers
Los Angeles, CA (ContentDesk) May 11, 2006 -- Los Angeles-based Globat.com?, the world-leader in Performance Web Hosting", today announced that it is sponsoring a family of 3 from Schulenburg, Texas in their quest to drive 400 miles to a St. Louis, Missouri-area White Castle only to eat 100 hamburgers each. In similar fashion to the movie, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, the participants, Terri Scott, a long time eBayer, daughter Kerri Gomez, and Kerris boyfriend GW Whitfield, wanted to taste and experience the infamous Sliders so badly, that they created an auction on eBay to finance the trip. The hamburger eating marathon will kick off on May 9, 2006.
Each will be required to finish all 100 hamburgers without leaving the restaurant until they do so.
Throughout the trip and at the restaurant, they will be promoting Globat.com and its marketing Web site DefyingGravity.com by displaying the companys logos on their vehicle, wearing temporary Globat.com tattoos,...
Web Hosting Provider Globat.com Sponsors the Ultimate Family Road Trip to Eat 300 White Castle? Hamburgers
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Poker Retailer Launches Website in Time for Holiday Shopping
Taking advantage of the poker phenomenon sweeping the country, Big Slick Attire has debuted its first line of themed poker clothing.
Big Slick Attire offers something for every fan of the game; T-Shirts, Baby Doll T's and hats.
This new line offers fans of the game an opportunity to show off their passion when they are at the table or away from it.Men, women, and young adults around the world are experiencing the thrill of one of the fastest growing sports along with the newly titled "gaming lifestyle".
Poker themed television shows are seen weekly on ESPN, FOX Sports, Bravo, and the Travel Channel to name a few, which has only fueled the popularity.
Celebrities like Ben Affleck, Jeff Gordon, Matthew Perry, and Tony Hawk are participating in tournaments and are considered to be very good by some professionals.
Pokerpulse.com research stated that between January 2001 and August 2004, the number of Internet tournament players increased by 2,500...
Poker Retailer Launches Website in Time for Holiday Shopping
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